![]() Hi, this is Renee! So, your question is a really tough one to answer because the 'detection skills' I've developed are much less empirical and much more intuitive. I don't think I could give you a reliable list of things to look for because it really is just a keen feeling, a sensation I get based on the tiniest little signals I get from someone. For example, when I started dating my partner a decade ago, he had a very good friend who after a couple of meetings I just *knew* was a predator. To this day I've never seen him around children but there's something about the way he carries himself, and that same thing missing in his eyes that was missing in my dad's. I told my partner that it's fine if they remain friends but that guy is never, ever allowed in my home nor near my children. The truth is I think we all have the ability to sense when something is off…my ability is just more finely tuned than most peoples. ![]() With a family member or close friend, one thing to look out for is if that person wants to take your kid to do 'fun stuff' on a regular basis. ![]() My dad always had toys like snowmobiles that he would invite our male cousins to come over and enjoy. Also, any divisive behaviour…if you feel like your child is being influenced away from you. And following on that, any time you see your child retreating into themselves at all. I know this isn't helpful because this is often noticed after the fact. But I'm just trying to think of any signs that may be helpful to you. Rather than looking for warning signs, you might want to consider just having a super open dialogue with your kids as soon as they're able to understand and let them know that they will never be shamed for telling you the truth if something weird happens. Great question! In one sense it was very easy because I had been wanting to escape his hold for years. The last time I saw him in person, I was sick to my stomach for days before he arrived. That's when I knew I couldn't do it any more. He also started telling me on phone calls that he wanted to have my younger sister killed for all the "grief" she had caused him. (meanwhile, HE emotionally abused her for all of her formative years!!) And that's when I broke. The hard part about breaking free was that I was terrified he would come after me in some way. #ASSTR NIFTY GAY FIRST TIME STORIES FREE# I had seen him destroy people's lives (like my mom) who had crossed him in the past. But at that point it was worth the risk of dealing with the fallout. You can't keep humans locked in a mental prison forever. It was one of the single best and bravest decisions I've ever made. He has tried numerous times to get back into my life…sending me e-cards and once even depositing money into my bank account when he knew I was living in a garage. I returned the bank transfer that very day. So yeah, it was super hard in some respects but that's life, right? Life requires courage. And I don't miss him because he was never a father to begin with. ![]() At no point, even when I was living alone with him for years, could he even name my three closest friends. I was like an "it" that lived in his house. We get very caught up in what our family/relations are 'supposed' to be but I don't buy that. ![]() My true family are the people I've chosen to be a part of my life and provide the support I need. I hope this answers your question! And thanks for reading. The stepfather sexually abused my sister and I. As adults we are dealing with the the repercussions of a man who like your father worked and lived overseas and used that and the protection of his church to advantage. My half siblings have treated my anger with dismissive contempt and their lack of support and antagonism have left me devastated.
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